Journey to Intimacy [親密之旅] - Wounding & Healing

黄维仁博士 "亲密之旅"       原生家庭的創傷與醫治

Refer to:http://www.palmsky.blogspot.com/2009/06/journey-to-intimacy.html

My wife and I attended a one-day educational program conducted in Fremont, California on April 28,  and we learned how a family of origin may hurt generations and how an effective tool may heal wounded hearts. This was my second time to listen to and talk with the inspiring speaker, Dr. Wei-Jen Huang (黄维仁), the "Doctor of Love".

Two key messages are:

- Everyone has abilities to hurt and heal others.
- Healing is to internalize love experiences in a long-term, unconscious, and continual process to establish experiential re-wiring in the brain, with a safe, secure, attached, and supportive environment.

Our left brain controls our logical and rational activities, while the right brain controls emotions and healing initiatives. Intention is not equal to impact. Very often we understand a situation where our intention to take actions is initiated, and yet it takes a long time or a long path from an intention to getting an outcome that has an impact. Knowledge can be increased by left brain exercises, while emotional practices on the right brain enhance the ability of achieving wisdom and leading a healing process.


The challenges are how we practice and direct our emotions to increase our wisdom of viewing angle and viewing insight. For example: Great and experienced doctors can distinguish a signal from a noise and identify a clue for an accurate clinical treatment. We simply don't want to use our left brain to function for emotional attachment (so-called "top-down"), yet we need to practice our right brain to have wireless connections with right brains of others ("bottom-up").


Dr. Huang stressed two elements of healing -- "grace"(恩典) and "truth"(真理) . The grace comes from our belief, our God, so our motives can last long, and the truth is the foundation where boundary and discipline guide our intention and action in making things better. The Truth (真) always comes first, followed by the Good (善) and the Beauty (美) in sequence. For an understanding as well as classification, Dr. Huang summarized the levels of healing:

- behavioral/environmental,

- physiological/biological,

- thoughts/cognition/feelings,

- feelings about feelings/core beliefs and schema,

- relation centered.

Psychological wounding may cause three different types of personal attachment: "avoidant", "anxious/ambivalent", and "disorganized", as opposed to "secure" type. Wounded people require an understanding and acceptance on the base of empathy to foster neuro-wiring and networking, and they need to establish "intimacy"(親), selectively, with others and let the attached group influence/trigger a positive development for a positive impact. "Intimacy" (親) is the key element for interactive deep healing.

Learning is an endless process for goodness. I was moved by Dr. Huang's passion and devotion backed with faith.

Written on April 29, 2012

Quantified Self for Goodness

Life isn't always as bright as we may have thought. I started focusing my time on learning; I enrolled in a class at college for management study and attended a few more meetup groups in Valley. Lately, I found there were many aged persons like me who were active in participating events. I enjoyed the conversations with young guys and so-called "hackers", persons who see themselves a software freelance working on apps and writing codes and always show their coolness.

Quantified Self (QS) is a new movement and a heated topic. I learned from a few case studies presented by enthusiasts about how to quantify personal health and wellness in hope to better manage personal life. The concept of self-tracking is not new, but is changing the way we think best for us. With certain tools used on mobile and Internet, one can get cumulative data to compare and analyze co-relationships of personal activities, such as taking exercise, diet, managing sleep. Wellness is part of God's gift, yet we often abuse our life to be distracted down. How we reverse back to the origin is the way how we should monitor and track our daily activities so as to end up with balanced results. Illness comes primarily because we do not care for ourselves well. Eating too much is a killer to our health, while sugar can be seriously harmful.

Self quantification requires motivation that connects God's plan on us. When all things work together for good, those who are blessed must sustain good health in mental and in physical.

Remark:

I was encouraged by those who presented their own self-experiments at the Quantified Self (QS) meetup conducted at Google in Mountain View, California.

http://www.meetup.com/quantifiedself/events/53773962/

Written on March 28, 2012

Relentless Infusion

My wife is kind to share her experiences in being a mother, a school teacher, a kindergarten owner, a professional worker, and an all-time learner and facilitator. She's educated our kids with relentless infusion and dedication. Lately and willingly I participated in her child-development process after three kids were born.


In my observation, most children under 14 in my circle have great potentials. I agree that choosing and using right methodologies to teach, coach, and develop a child is critically important as a function of time. In fact, kids always change their needs due to the changing environment and friends, as they grow. It is a matter how we as parents keep seeking ways to better communications with kids and work together, with shared roles and responsibilities, to learn and improve our skill sets in the way of establishing disciplines with practices, including prayers.

I firmly believe kids are not our "properties" but rather "independent individuals" that God trusts us to manage for Him according to the Bible. So, we have to pray and learn to be a great "manager" in order to educate and guide our kids for the divine purpose -- It is one of the most challenging assignments ever in our life. And I believe it is how we better influence others through healthy and successful development of child's qualities. I felt regretful when I saw some guys spend lots of time on missionaries and afterwork activities while leaving child unattended with a lack of parent's managerial qualities and continuous improvements at all time. My wife and I are still striving to improve ourselves by learning in order to communicate well with our three grown-ups -- new skill sets, interesting topics, and quality contents are required in order to sustain and focus family's energy and foster mutual understandings for goodness. It brings a surprising benefit from my active interaction with my children who in turn express their thoughts and mirror the wellness that improves the quality of my life. So, I affirm, when parents constantly do this, children will become more thoughtful and responsible.

Written on July 9, 2011

Thrills and Obstacles

Northern California provides a unique environment that has a mix of liberal, technology innovation, sunshine, clean air, and multi-cultures. Indeed, I like this place. For those who catch up with a comparable learning speed, the environmental crush in all aspects seems to forge well-rounded qualities of life. No wonder so many startups have been formed in or relocated to the Bay Area that bring in innovations and new opportunities. No wonder many are moving out of the Bay Area presumably because economic burden and competition are getting fierce. Changes are happening so fast. Federal reports suggest that more Asians have moved into cities such as Fremont, Cupertino, San Leandro, Hayward -- the inflow and outflow should determine the future populations as well as living styles. What should never change are the sunshine, the truth, and the spiritual desire.

I attended a conference of "OnMobile" (web link: OnMobile-2011) in Redwood City on June 14 and June 15. The debates and discussions in two days revealed that mobility and online social links will become more powerful. Mobile software sectors have attracted investors more than any others, with 75% of total venture investment nationwide -- mostly landed in Northern California. Social media and mobile apps are the key to driving the mobile platform development, where certain people may not be able to adapt themselves to new working models and use of the emerging interactive tools. It is, then, a great opportunity for those who are learning and growing, while many minds are ensnared by increased obstacles.


The religious faith and practice become mandatory as well as singular in hopes of getting balance and fulfillment. Therefore, the constant renewal and seasonal revival on the faithful mind expands our breadth and thrills our life.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. " (2 Peter 1:3)

Referenced link:
http://palmsky.blogspot.com/2009/09/steps-to-gaining-spiritual-strength.html

Written on June 29, 2011

Pulling Deeds

Isn't it common that we decide to do something because we expect to have a gain? How often did we lose opportunities that cultivate ourselves, when we chose not to do because we didn't sense a reward set ahead? In hopes of establishing good relationships, we have volunteered to get things done for friends and family members. Could it be even wonderful when our deeds validate our confidence and competence?


Push and pull are living strategies in our life. When a reward is set, we naturally push ourselves to accomplish objectives. How would we practice to pull ourselves to be a faithful servant for assisting others and then reap with songs of joy?



Written on May 15, 2011

Right Season

Japan is struggling to recover from disasters and disruptions -- fears about the nuclear radiation have spread around the world. Human errors often happened for either subsequent cover-ups or delayed consequences. When gloom and doom embrace hearts so tightly, could we be free from depression? In addition, food and gas prices increased sharply to tighten many pockets. All the sudden, it seems that changes are so dramatic beyond imagination -- timing and damping are so abnormal. Is this a right season?


Believers would pray for new leaps to lighten lives before they get in dark -- in hunger for the light, the energy, the empowerment from God. It may be imperative to see how we become grateful when the right season is coming, while the tough season stands still. Good thing is we all hope with our faith to walk into a season that shapes our destiny.


"-- to everything there is a season." (Eccliastes 3:1)



Written on March 30, 2011

Widening Bandwidth for Good

In a discussion with certain hi-tech executives, we reached a general thought for what has changed and what needs to be changed in the United States. Math and science are two major courses that the US students have fallen behind and are out of top 20 among the ranked countries. People tend to agree that innovation usually comes from scientific disciplines and creative thinking processes.


It is my belief that disciplines begin with a good habit and a good habit comes from continual practices, and a sustained practice is owing to a motive, curiosity, and a learning attitude. Our practice can be a prayer with the faith in God that restores our brilliance.


I was moved when I participated in a learning conference where Simon Bailey, a motivational speaker (http://www.simontbailey.com/), made a three-hour speech in early February. I learned that the important assets are time, energy, and faithful mind, and importantly, high-impact habits decide our future for brilliance. Additionally, I'd sustain my curiosity so I can ask good questions, seek right answers, wonder how things work, and try fresh approaches to old problems. And I'd be attached to learning habits that expand my knowledge and empower my multi-dimensional views. Therefore, wisdom and glory will come when the bandwidth through focused practices is widened.


"I am the Lord your God ..... Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it." (Psalm 81:10)



Written on February 15, 2011